"From Brokenness To Wholeness"

“I grew up believing the limitations my abuser set over my life, but God my restorer helped me to believe, that I can do all things through Christ.” Clarine Gittens, Educator

Mrs. Clarine Gittens is a 33 year old wife, and have been married for almost eight years. She is the mother of two adorable children, respectively a son and a daughter. Clarine is an Elementary School Educator by profession with over seven years of experience in the classroom. Clarine’s encounter with the Lord has shifted the trajectory of her life, as she no longer believes the limits that her abuser spoke over her life. She is a lover of God and credits Him for saving her and making her “Whole”. Walking in wholeness came through the gentle touch of God Almighty.

Clarine became a victim of sexual and verbal abuse at the tender age of eight. An ordeal which lasted for almost two consecutive years. Due to the demands to financially support the home and her siblings, her single parent mother at the time was very busy, and was often out of the home. The children were left with various guardians (care takers), so that their mother can maintain a steady employment. It was during this time that Clarine became the target for child abuse, and “No One” in her immediate spare captured her uncommon behavior. This caused Clarine to suffer in silence as she obeyed her abuser due to threats against her life. During our chat, she revealed “my world shattered because the sexual abuse was consistent, and threats against me at such a tender age caused me to stay silent. This was the most devastating time in my life as a young child”.

A closer look at Trauma and Suffering in Silence

Clarine grew up in a small community, if she had spoken up regarding the abuse, this story would have become the highlight quickly. The thought of making her trauma known in the community brought fear and embarrassment to the then young child. The abuse had a severe impact on Clarine’s perspective of her own life because she grew up believing every negative word that came out of her abuser’s mouth. For example, “I will never have anything good; I am good for nothing”. During Clarine’s childhood and teenage years, “I suffered from many insecurities, which I didn’t feel pretty enough; I never felt good enough; I lived a life of comparison; I became withdrawn; and I suffered psychologically and mentally”. How were you affected psychologically? “I had a very negative self-perception of who I was as a child, and teenager. If anyone besides my abuser give me a good compliment, I never believed them because as a child my adult abuser spoke negatively into my ear”. For example, when someone told her she was pretty, she would say I am not pretty enough. Additionally, she did not believe that she would one day be married to a man who would love her and accept her with the baggage of sexual abuse; let alone give birth to his children. However, the Lord have changed that narrative of her life and blessed her with a husband. Today, “I am wife and a mother of two children; glory to God for the marvelous things he has done in my life”. Glory to God!!

“My ordeal was the darkest pain that I’ve ever felt as I suffer in silence as a child. Growing up many people labeled her as a crazy girl because they didn’t know my story. So I decided that I will live a reserved life and let people say whatever they wanted to say”. Anyone who knew Clarine, knew that she was a very reserved child and rarely held long discussions with anyone. She explained that due to the abuse she was experiencing, her only option was to live a reserve lifestyle. This meant that she didn’t displayed much friendliness, and had chosen to limit her friendships as a child. When dealing with others, it was important for her to always maintain barriers, which meant she did not allow any one into her personal space and life. The Lord Almighty is indeed a restorer by making a broken person whole again, and for this Clarine is confident that she can do anything that she sets her mind to do.

What made you speak out about your childhood abuse? “I was in a place in my life where I needed to talk to someone regarding my trauma as it was affecting internally”. At the age of 19, Clarine shared her personal story with someone she deemed as a good friend, she believed that this information would remain confidential. However, this story made its way to the ears of my mother by just this one discussion with her friend. At that time, “I thought to myself how can a confidential discussion between two friends move around so quickly?.” It was just the beginning of her journey to freedom. She was placed in the position to be transparent with her mother about the abusive ordeal. Upon hearing her side of the story, Clarine’s mother was shattered, and began blaming herself for the abuse her daughter endured. However, “I tried to console mom, letting her that it wasn’t really her fault since she was trying to make ends meet for our family. The revelation of such a well-kept secret marked an important turning point in Clarine’s life for the better.

How do you feel after sharing the ordeal with your love ones? “There was a sense of relief but I had a lot of internal cleaning to do, which I solely had to depend on the Lord to fix”. Clarine mentioned praying earnestly to the Lord for help and for restoration. It took her several years to move pass the emotional trauma and to overcome her insecurities. It took forgiving her abuser and focusing on internal healing so that she can experience life in its fullness that the Lord intended. “I have forgiven my abuser, to the point where I can have a conversation with that person and not feel any resentment". Clarine is a walking testimony and lives a dedicated life to Christ her savior.

How does it affect your role as an elementary school educator? “My love ones or friends did not noticed or had a clue of what I was experiencing during my years of abuse, which pushed me into isolation”. Due to Clarine’s experience with childhood abuse, she expressed that she is more caring for children especially those entrusted into her care. “I am now inclined to pay keen attention to those students whose behavior mirrors mine as a child”. Clarine encourage parents to pay attention to their child or children, and be sure to leave them in the care of very responsible and trust worthy caretakers when needed. She encourage parents to speak to their children about patterns of abuse and to speak up when being touched inappropriately.

Ladies!! Ladies!! I’ve learnt so much from Mrs. Clarine Gittens about sexual and verbal child abuse, insecurities, parenting, forgiving an abuser, and living a healed and whole life. I do trust that you too have learnt from her story, and you are encouraged to live life beyond the limitations that people have set over your head. Listen, the Lord Almighty is capable of restoring our broken pieces of life and putting us back together as a “whole” human being, all for His Glory. Sis, your journey to healing begins with you first owning your suffering even when it feels like no one cares.

I love you Sis!!

I pray that you will receive ALL that the Lord has in store for your life.

Stay Blessed!!

Go ahead and “Girl Just Shine”.